Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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