I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
