mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
