Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
