i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
