I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize