she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
