she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
