Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
