After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize