You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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