Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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