Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
