i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
