I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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