Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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