in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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