you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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