i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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