It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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