I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's blow job season.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
