your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
