Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
50% drunk capacity currently
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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