I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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