Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize