Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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