Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
