Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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