i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
