You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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