I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
