She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
