I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
