I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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