I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
