I got chris browned last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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