My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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