Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
