whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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