maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
