I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
