why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
