if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
