I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
