SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize