I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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