I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
