absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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