this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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