so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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