Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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