never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
