I'm really into asian looking animals
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize