well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
