that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
