I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
