You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
