ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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