have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The best revenge is premature balding
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
