I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
