he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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