i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
