I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
