Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
