i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
