I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
