I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
