wakey wakey hands off snakey
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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