Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
