I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
