I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
