Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
